Still Here

I am trying to make it a point to update the blog on a regular basis. So that hopefully I can answer questions that I hate to actually talk about. Things that are hard and unpleasant.

Kent has not done good this week. I have scene a change in eating and sleeping habits. He has been agitated (not so much in attitude, but in moving around) and confused. Kenny took him for blood work on Wednesday. (thank heaven's for Kenny, he is so great. He takes Kent for an almost daily ride. Kent loves that. And he loves Kenny) The same blood work he has before every chemo injection. Kent has an infection. He is running a fever, and his portocath is inflamed, red and was starting to get a rash. They canceled the chemo, and started him on antibiotics. Wow, they were expensive. Since the antibiotics he has been eating a little more, and his confusion has improved. But only slightly. He just plain does not feel good. I am wondering if he is in pain, more than he realizes. Strokes do funny things, and I wonder if in brain is unaware of some of the pain that he is in, but his body is. He really struggles with the coughing, and he does say that he has great pain from that. This week I spoke with Terry in Dr. Ackerly's office. I asked him if he could give me a time frame for normal patience in Kent's condition. He said that when the cancer is at the stage that no chemo will slow it down, then it usually takes someone pretty quick. 4 to 8 weeks normally. But in rare cases some can make it up to 6 months. We have no reason to think that we aren't already to this stage, and have been for a few weeks.

A friend of ours has been coming over to sit with Kent while I am away at the grocery store. (her name is Raven, she lived across the street from us in West Mountain for a while) She has a patient way of just sitting and listening to Kent. He really seems to enjoy it. I think it is a relief to just talk, even if all the words don't connect. And she doesn't get as emotional as I do. She told me that Kent told her that he doesn't believe he has long to live. He seems to be calm with idea. And the only fight he is giving is for me & his family. These conversations are so hard for me. I cant seem to deal with actually talking about death with him. It is just so hard for me to believe that I am loosing him. And there is nothing that I can do. He is my sweetheart, and I love him so much.

Now I am living day to day. I may decide one day that I am coming home. But for right now I am happy with the warm weather. And Kent seems to feel the same way. We are comfortable and until we are not, we will stay. Tammy & Chad are coming this weekend, and I am going to ask them to take the truck & wheelers home. Kent cannot enjoy them. And I will have my car back. Huntsman did say that Hospice can come here. But like I said, I live from day to day. And I have not decided anything yet. Tomorrow is another day.

We are coming home on the 7th of March. I have tickets to see Willy Wonka, the play my grand kids are in. And we have tickets to the Draper Temple open house. I would like to go to both of those. Plus Kent is supposed to go to Huntsman. But I believe that if Kent is still doing the same as he is right now, I will travel right back to St. George again. All these things can change so quickly depending on how Kent is doing. So that is the update. As horrible as it is the write. We are still here. Can I give you advise? Hold onto your loved ones a little tighter. Recognize that you love them, and don't fight with them. Spend the moments of you life making happy, wonderful memories. Don't waist a even a small moment. And always remember to make sure that people know you love them.